I thought it was likely to happen and it has, since starting HRT my captioning output has dropped, though not disappeared. It could, at least theoretically, just be that I'm not super interested in captioning right now and my interest could come back soon and my output will spike back up. But it doesn't feel that way. And if my output does increase from where it's at now it probably still won't get up to where it was before I started the meds.
I'm going to speak rather indelicately on wanking and hormones. If that's too much information stop reading now. (I can't imagine why it would be considering most of my content but w/e)
Before starting hormones I'd jerk off daily (or near daily), usually for upwards of two hours, and I'd write something every time I jerked off.
Since I started taking hormones I jerk off about every other day, rarely for more than an hour and I only end up writing something every third wank, if that.
I do have way more free time. But you don't need to be genius to figure the number of captions that get written is going to drop. Though not to zero. Yet.
It seems that's just the way my body/brain works on estrogen. It is kind of frustrating but I'm so much happier overall I'm just accepting it. So the final result is that after this "season" (and the customs from the contest, almost finished, I promise) daily or near-daily updates probably won't be something I'm capable of. Ce la vie.
Anyway, here's a fun 2nd person cap:
Please just do what feels right for you, don't force it for us. I check ur blog pretty much every day, but I check lots of people's blogs pretty much every day, and I think I can speak for the community when I say I don't get butthurt just because someone didn't post. Plus it'll probably feel even worse for you to caption if you feel like it's forced. Just take ur time pl0x
ReplyDeleteCool. I wouldn't say it means a lot that every comment has been positive, I don't care that much about the approval of strangers on the internet. But it has been nice.
DeleteEh, I mean it's a scary endeavor, I've thought about doing it myself a few times, and I actually think I'm happiest when I think of myself as a girl, but I'm either too scared to go through with it, or just happy enough in my own body that I don't want to. I guess I just like thinking of myself as a girly guy, so it's hard for me to understand people who actually transition because it never felt so urgent for me. Pretty much all I can say is try to listen to ur heart/soul/whatever you believe in and I hope things go well.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to overstep. And I'm sure you know your own mind better than I do from a couple of anonymous comments.
DeleteBuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut,
>"I've thought about doing it myself a few times"
>"I actually think I'm happiest when I think of myself as a girl"
Yeah, cis people generally don't do this. And you sound a lot, like, a lot a lot like me from 12 months ago. Just saying.
I mean, if I am a girl, I'm a girl who's generally comfortable in her own male body. Plus I wouldn't want to lose my dick. I feel like I'm just doomed to never know because the fear of regret for me doesn't outweigh the risk. The happiness I can get from just saying "yeah, I guess I'm a girl in a guy's body" or "idk wtf i am, but i guess i dont really mind" is pretty genuine I think.
DeleteFor the record I'm not planning on getting rid of my dick either. Since I started I think I've met a few others in the same boat. Though it does seem to be a minority position.
DeleteThe fact of my being totally comfortable with my dick was a reason it took so long for me to get this ball rolling "I'm not trans, I have a dick and I'm cool with it" was my reasoning for about ten years. And I've kicked myself every day for months over that.
By the sound of everything I'd advise you to maybe experiment a little with gender, maybe lurk in /r/asktg, or (depending on what area you're living in) using google to find a gender positive therapist or a local trans support group and talk some of it through in person.
As for fear of regret: you're not committed to any next step just because you took the step before. The irreversible steps are a long fucking way down the road and only come *after* someone would be certain.
Bear in mind this is all just the ramblings of a stranger on the internet who knows next to nothing about you. But if you want to talk about it more feel free to email me (sluttyeve69@gmail.com) so I'm not cracking eggs all over the comments section of a single post on my smutty blog. And, again, nobody is going to MAKE you do anything.
I appreciate the advice/information, I'd rather just stay anonymous though. You did give me some stuff to think about, only the future will know
Delete